Toilet Training: Every Child’s Journey on Their Own Time
Toilet training is one of those milestones that can bring equal parts excitement and stress. For many families, it feels like a huge step toward independence—but it’s also a reminder that every child develops at their own pace. Some little ones are ready by age 2, while others may not show interest until closer to 4 or 5, and both timelines are completely normal.
The most important thing to keep in mind? This isn’t a race. Comparing your child’s journey to someone else’s only adds pressure. Your child’s pace is their own—and that’s exactly how it should be.
Understanding Readiness: Prerequisite Skills
Before diving into training, it’s helpful to watch for certain signs of readiness. These aren’t strict rules, but indicators that a child’s body and mind are ready for the process:
Bodily awareness: Noticing when their diaper is wet/soiled or being able to stay dry for 2+ hours.
Communication skills: Using words, signs, or gestures to express the need to go.
Motor skills: Walking to the bathroom, pulling pants up and down, sitting on a toilet or potty chair.
Routine awareness: Showing interest in bathroom routines or imitating others.
Discomfort awareness: Wanting a diaper changed or expressing dislike of being wet/soiled.
If you don’t see these signs yet, that’s okay—it just means your child isn’t ready, and pushing too soon often backfires.
Rule Out Medical Concerns First
If you are seeing a stall in toilet training, first make sure it isn’t something physical. If your child struggles with constipation, frequent accidents, pain, or sudden regression, it’s worth checking in with your pediatrician. Things like urinary tract infections, constipation, or bladder issues can make toilet learning harder. Addressing those first makes the process much smoother and safer.
“Most importantly, make the bathroom a fun place to be. Play music, hang fun visuals on the wall or the mirror, customize a sticker chart, use food coloring for toilet water or add a “toilet fizzy”, etc.
A More Approachable Space = A Less Intimidating Space ”
Urine vs. BM Training
Families often notice that urine training typically comes first. Bowel movement (BM) training can take longer and may involve more challenges.
Physical awareness: It can be harder to recognize BM cues.
Comfort and routine: Many children feel secure pooping in a diaper and may resist change.
Sensory needs: Sitting on the toilet can feel overwhelming for some kids (a big scary hole that sucks things away when you hit a lever?--Yikes!)
Patience is key—don’t be discouraged if progress in urine training doesn’t translate to BM training right away.
Popular Approaches to Toilet Training
There’s no one “right” way to do this. Families often find success with different methods depending on their child’s temperament and lifestyle. Here are some of the most common approaches:
Child-Led / Readiness Approach (gentle): Parents introduce the potty casually and encourage it when kids show interest. Progress is slow but low-pressure, which works well for independent little ones.
Routine-Based (structured but flexible): Set potty times throughout the day—after meals, before naps, before leaving the house. This builds consistency and is especially useful in daycare or school settings.
Three-Day “Boot Camp” (intensive): A very hands-on method where the child switches to underwear full-time for a long weekend. Parents watch closely, offer very frequent potty trips in an effort to “catch a success”, and celebrate those successes. It can work quickly, but isn’t the right fit for every child or family.
Parent-Child Training / Azrin & Foxx (highly structured): Often used in clinical or ABA settings, this approach involves scheduled sits, reinforcement, dry checks, and gradual independence. It’s effective but requires consistency and commitment.
Hybrid Approach: Many families blend these—starting gently, then adding structure if progress slows.
The bottom line: choose what fits your child’s readiness, your family’s routine, and your values.
Daytime vs. Nighttime Training
It’s helpful to remember that daytime training and nighttime dryness are two different skills. Most children master days first. Nighttime dryness often takes much longer, and bedwetting is still considered normal until around age 5–7. Using pull-ups at night while focusing on underwear during the day is perfectly fine.
Why Underwear Matters
One of the biggest shifts during toilet training is moving away from pull-ups and into underwear. While pull-ups can be helpful overnight or on long outings, underwear makes a big difference in learning:
Awareness of accidents: Underwear helps children feel when they’re wet, strengthening the body–brain connection.
Motivation and ownership: Fun, character-themed underwear encourages pride in keeping them clean.
Clear transition: Wearing underwear signals “I’m not in diapers anymore.”
Think of underwear as part of the teaching tool—it helps reinforce cause-and-effect.
Do Boys and Girls Train Differently?
Research shows girls often train slightly earlier than boys, likely because of language and motor development differences. But the gap is small—and ultimately, readiness is about the individual child, not their gender.
Neurotypical vs. Neurodivergent Journeys
Toilet training can look different depending on whether a child is neurotypical or neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, intellectual disabilities, etc.).
Neurotypical children may follow developmental timelines closely, but variation is still normal.
Neurodivergent children may need more individualized approaches.
Sensory differences may play a big role—sound, lighting, textures, or even the feel of underwear.
Executive functioning challenges can make it harder to connect the urge to go with getting to the bathroom in time.
Toilet training is not a measure of intelligence or capability—it’s a developmental process.
Extra Supports
Every child learns differently, and some may benefit from extra supports that make the bathroom routine easier and less overwhelming:
Visual supports: Picture schedules or step-by-step cards.
Social stories: Short, personalized explanations of the routine.
Reinforcement systems: Stickers, toys, or extra playtime for motivation.
Sensory accommodations: Adjust lighting, noise, or seating.
Practice sessions: Sitting clothed on the toilet, or simply visiting the bathroom first to get comfortable with the area is good practice!
Consistent routines: Schedule potty trips at predictable times (having timers set or using a potty watch to help give reminders can help establish the routines!).
Modeling: Learning through observing siblings, peers, or adults.
Small steps: Break the process into manageable goals.
Potty Training Tools and Resources We Love
Teamwork Matters
If your child attends daycare, school, or therapy, try to coordinate strategies so they get consistent support across environments. Consistency helps children succeed across settings.
When to Ask For Help
Sometimes extra help is needed, and that’s okay. Consider reaching out if:
Call a pediatrician if there’s chronic constipation, pain, or frequent accidents that are not consistent with average behavior for your child.
Seek specialists like an ABA provider, occupational therapist, or pediatric urologist if challenges persist beyond developmental expectations or medical concerns are suspected. Referral may be needed if your child is not already receiving services through these providers.
Tips for Families
Start when ready, not by the calendar!
Celebrate small wins- Every step forward counts.
Keep it positive- Avoid shaming or punishment
Coordinate across settings- Ensure school, home, and therapy are on the same page.
Dress for success- Choose clothing that’s easy to remove.
Don’t stress over regressions-Illness, stress, or life changes can cause temporary setbacks. Regression doesn’t mean failure—most children pick up again with consistency and reassurance.
Care for yourself-Toilet training can be exhausting—patience and positivity are just as important for parents as for kids.
Toilet training is not a race—it’s a journey that looks different for every child. For both neurotypical and neurodivergent children, success comes from patience, understanding, and meeting each child where they are. By focusing on readiness, choosing the right approach, ruling out medical concerns, and celebrating progress, families can create a safe, supportive environment that makes this milestone more empowering and less stressful.
Additional Articles:
Toilet training: Recognizing readiness - Mayo Clinic Press
Toilet Training: Common Questions and Answers | AAFP
Classroom Based Intensive Toilet Training for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder - PMC
Toilet training for autistic children | Raising Children Network
Potty Training Children with Special Needs - HealthyChildren.org
